Random act

Of kindness is done for the day (possibly year, actually. I'm kind of a selfish mole).

I saw on Facebook that a girl was tracking down a copy of yesterday's newspaper as her friend got engaged in England, and with time zones etc, she wanted a newspaper with yesterday's date on to make a cute scrapbook for their engagement. How sweet is that? I knew we had some bits of a newspaper left from yesterday - what didn't start our bonfire - so I said I'd send it off to her, and now we're having a lovely little chat about weddings and England and honeymoons and Pinterest... Basically all of my favorite things in life. Karma is good today. 

Chicken shopping

Last night I was allowed to leave my sick bed and enjoy a delicious dinner with my friends for two whole blissful hours. Mental stimulation for the win! It's kind of a Friday night tradition to catch up with them at our little local restaurant, have a few wines and a chat, and order exactly the same thing we order every single time... The worlds most delicious cannelloni. It is so delicious that it in fact makes me long with a real physical ache for it when I even think about it... God, I need to get out more. 

I woke up this morning feeling a bit better, but kind of grumpy - another two days of nothing to do but 'rest', which basically means sit in bed and watch Netflix or continue my obsession playing on TripAdvisor. So I begged husband to let me take a trip up the road to the chicken farm, and do a little chicken shopping. I basically try and source rare breed chickens that are a bit fancy pants, and the chicken man had some amaaaazing birdies there today. However, he's retaining the majority as breeding stock, so it was just window chicken shopping today. I have my eye on a couple of breeds he had there today, but the fact they have to wait until nightfall to enter the Silver Campines cage to collect eggs and clean/feed them because the rooster is so evil and abusive, kind of put me off getting a vampire hen. 

There are a couple of big auctions coming up halfway across the state over the next month or so, so I basically plan on dragging my poor husband along to buy me some birds and chat the ears off the breeders and learn more about a couple of chooks that tickle my fancy. My plan to enter some of my girls into a show in October needs a little more enthusiasm behind it than I've been lately, mostly because I know how badly I will be mocked by my work colleagues when they find out I've taken a day off work to take Ursula, Dolores, Bathila Bagshot and Buckbeak along to a chicken show. Like, I am going to be absolutely bagged non-stop. Which is fine. Not a lot of change from usual. I just reeeeally want a shiny pastel ribbon to stick on my way to make it all worth it. 

So today tripsadvisor and Netflix have taken a back seat to me researching Faverolles and spangled Hamburghs, and  searching all the rare breed sites to try and locate me a lavender Araucana. Sounds tedious beyond belief to most people, thoroughly over exiting to me. Did I mention I needed to get out more?!. 

20 questions!

1. Are you named after anyone? My middle name is after my great nanna, and my first name after Katrina and the Waves, who sang Walking on Sunshine!

2. When was the last time you cried? Last night. I'm coming down with a cold, and Cam cut my carrots in batons, not circles, for dinner. Que end of world.

3. Favourite song at the moment? One, by Ed Sheeran. Runaway, Tenerife Sea, Wake Me Up, also all by Ed Sheeran. I'm seeing a theme...

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? Um, most likely not, to be honest.

5. What do you order at Starbucks? Venti extra dry caramel macchiato with extra caramel. And then sit out the front with a cigarette and massive sunnies on and people watch.

6. Will you ever bungee-jump? Nah, I think my limit was cliff diving. It actually wasn't any fun at all, and I've realized I'm a major pussy and have no interest in proving a point to myself or anyone else!

7. What’s your favorite cereal? Oh, without a doubt - COCO POPS! However, Froot Loops, Nutri Grain and Frosties are all also amazing. 

8. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Being a gigantor myself, usually height, and then I guess clothing. 

9. One thing in your closet you cannot live without?
Currently: winter jackets! Brrrrr!  

10. Two Pet Peeves? Bad driving - it REALLY flips me off when people can't go the speed limit. Just hand in your license, folks, and let me drive in peace.

People having no concept of the difference between "he's" and "his". Ugh!

11. Favorite smells? My horses, cinnamon and apple, jasmine, coconut, frangipani.

12.If you could only drink one beverage (besides water) for the rest of your life, what would it be? I'd like to say green tea with jasmine, but let's be realistic: it would be gin and tonic.

13.  What's your worst habit? Making an enormous amount of washing up and literally not even noticing it. Domestic blindness at its finest.

14. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Africa? England? France? America? Not sure geographically which one!

15. Do you have any special talents? Please see number 13.

16.  Worst injury you ever had? I've had a multitude of broken bones, but I think my Rojo-Incident where he got stuck in the fence and came down on me has been the worst long term, if not at the time. My hand/wrist is still excruciating, with minimum movement, and the bleeding on the brain took ages to heal. 

17.  Do you have any tattoos? Just one, although I would like some more - expecto patronum, I'm looking at you!

18. If you could go back in time, what advice would you give your younger self?
Act your age - go out, get drunk, party your ass off, sleep with inappropriate men so you realise who the good ones are, and damn girl - you fine! You'll have the rest of your life to worry about being fat; enjoy yourself before your hips come in!
 
19. Favorite movie?

Disregarding the fact I have watched anything with Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz and Hugh Grant at least - conservatively - hundreds of times, I'll go with something that's a new love - About Time. 

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? Happy. And thin. 

Imbedded

Ok, I officially don't know if I can imbed a link to YouTube in here from my phone, so a little testing testing 1-2-3 is in order. Here goes:

My daily vlog, Day One

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=RedBZpf5x0w
Day Two: https://youtu.be/JyCCmsjnTkU
Day Three: https://youtu.be/Q_cGJPa5LPE

Stay tuned for more!

Sick little chick

Blogging from bed: because ugh, 'early stage pneumonia'

Literally have left bed about 4 times in the past 7 days (except for wee's, obviously) and that was to watch my baby calf kick the crap out of the vet when he had his stitches out, and to fang around a little bit on our new ATV. 

I. Am. Losing. My. Mind.

I've spent the majority of my time - in between hacking cough fits - stalking potential holiday destinations on TripAdvisor, snuggling cats, and signing up for Netflix - hello, 17 hours of my most favorite chick flicks!

I've basically given up acting like an adult in any way shape or form, and instead focus on coloring in my 'Cats' coloring book, and re-reading Harry Potter, in between fits of hysteria that I can't make up my mind on where to vacation for my 30th birthday next March. 

I just had a coffee and had already read the news (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter) and then stumbled across my old vlogs- and old they are. Kinda got me thinking that maybe it might be fun to have a little filming session and this in turn will ensure I actually take a shower and locate some makeup, as I look like five kinds of shite currently. But... Like... What do I talk about? How exciting my week has been in lockdown in the spare room? An in depth report on how much goop came out of the calfs stitches? Yeah, not exactly living a thrilling life currently, if you hadn't noticed. Let's see what I can come up with whilst I go wash my hair. 

The monster

I don't know if this is a combination of coming down with a cold, being horrendously tired after a night of no sleep, or just true feelings coming to the surface because I am a bad, bad person.

But. 

I saw this morning my favorite YouTuber had gotten engaged: que extreme jealousy. Like, really? Yep, really. I'm not so bitter and twisted that I can't be over the moon happy for her, but the little green eyed monster is clawing at me, telling me 'remember how much you hated this time?'. And I have to say, 'no, little monster. Not the whole time. Our engagement was beautiful; perfect even. I was walking on air and felt content for the first time in my life. It wasn't the whole time. It was just the wedding itself, little monster'.

See? I'm trying to be positive. I'm trying really damn hard to not be swallowed up by sadness. But there's that part of me I can't positive talk my way out of, can't shrug away the grumbles of feeling like a failure, can't quite ignore how much it seemed to sum up all the parts of my existence I wish weren't true. 

You see, I hated my wedding. And I'm not really allowed to say that, because, you know, I sound like a fucking bitch. And I am. I should be all 'oh, everyone had a good time, so it wasn't that bad' like my husband and new family are in response to my pointing out the shit time I had. But the point is.. I. Didn't. Have. A. Good. Time. And being the selfish beast I am, it haunts me. 

I don't just feel like my dress wasn't quite perfect, my hair could have been prettier, not just little things you can maybe photo shop better. I fucking HATED my dress. And my hair. And the people I had as the practically sole persons there for ME. Hated. Hated. Hated. A fiery pit of rage seems to literally gnaw at my insides when I think of it. 

The trouble is, it was all my choice. I've got no one to blame but myself. I hastily chose a dress I wouldn't normally have looked twice at, because I took my husband with me dress shopping, as I have no close friends to share that with. I chose the shitty, selfish bitches to be my 'bridesmaids' because I was so, so sad to not have close friends, that when they offered, I thought it might make me happy. Or normal.  Knowing that of the 80 guests we invited, 4 of them were people who were supposed to support me, made me feel like a shitty, lacking person. My mother was being a nightmare. My brother didn't turn up. My father didn't even bother respond to my wedding announcement. My only friend was my ex boyfriend, and you know, that's not weird or awkward at all. I was fucking lost, and lonely, and feeling like a bitch for feeling all of that, when I should have been focusing on marrying the man of my dreams. 

And I did marry him. We wrote beautiful, heartfelt vows, and as I stood across from him in our backup plan venue because the beach was experiencing some kind of monsoon, I meant every word I said. I think because it was such a momentous occasion for me - this was something I had dreamed about for as long as I can remember - I wanted every detail to be as perfect as possible.

I've thought about doing a vow renewal, or even a whole Big Bang wedding again, maybe on the farm, with all my animals nearby, somewhere I feel I can truly be myself and is the happiest place on earth for me. But not only do I think it's horribly selfish, kinda tacky and a lot of effort for some pretty photos to prove I was happy for the day; I still don't have people in my life that I wish I did - supportive, loyal, honest and true friends. So I'm probably just reiterating the first time around, but in a prettier dress.

I think I'll just have to live vicariously through the engagement journey and beautiful photos of my YouTube friends, and get over myself a little bit. 

Things I have learned this week

* you're meant to sip cognac, not shot it. Yueghhhhh. 

* an Italians version of 'mild' is quite possibly the hottest thing I have ever consumed. Ever. 

* spider bites hurt. A LOT. 

* there is nothing attractive about needing to wee in hospital; even if you get out of using a bedpan. Ass-less gown and 24 ECG cords wrapped around your neck in a wheelchair is not hot. 

* Beverly Leslie could be th cutest little boy-calf I've ever seen. I am a good pillow.

* it's somewhat bizarre having your husband spend the day with your ex, but also really effing cool. I'm so grateful I've got two awesome boys in my life who do all the hard work on the farm whilst I snuggle my calf. 

* watching One Born Every Minute is making me hella clucky. This is an extremely weird feeling.