The day you went away

Afterward, when it was all over, Cam brought me hot tea and chocolate and laid by my side on an old horse rug, as I inhaled the scent of horse and watched little wisps of cloud chase each other through the beautiful blue sky.

I thought i would be consumed with grief. I thought I would feel a literal cracking of my heart. Instead, silent tears just coursed down my cheeks as I wondered at the world still being beautiful, and I felt this tiny shift of... Something. Not peace, as such. Not finality. Just something in between that the thing I have been most dreading and consumed by for months was over. 

We spent hours together in the morning, him picking at the sweetest grass and leading me wherever he chose. His mane and tail had grown long and flowing for us, and we have kept some to immortalize him into something we can hold close each day. He went with flowers in his mane, the autumn sun beating down in his weary body, and his favorite thing in the world - a carrot in his teeth. He had happiness and contentment in his final moments, loved so deeply and strongly by two girls who will never, ever forget him and the joy he so unconditionally gave us.